Love?

Is this it? Is this the best it gets? Does unconditional love truly exist? If so, then how can a couple argue? How are two people supposed to love each other unconditionally if they're always picking out each others flaws? How is this healthy? How does one find this unconditional Love? Many questions fill my mind...dad after dad I feel like we drift apart, not even married yet it feels like we're already falling apart, I am on a sinking boat and I feel like I can't swim. Instead I surrender and let it happen.

She believed she could, so she did

Summer has come and I'm just so eager to reflect on one of the most amazing trips of my life. It was an unreal experience for so many reasons. One being that well, I didn't think I was capable of embarking on this journey. About two weeks ago my fiance sporadically texted me to look up flights for Yosemite, I did, and within hours we were booked to go for 5 days. Let me just start with this, not used to this spontaneity I was already sooo excited for this trip but the best was yet to come. Wednesday came and after sad goodbye to my 7 pups, yes I said and meant 7, we left on our journey. Arriving late and driving through the night to make it in time to get a permit for the trails we wanted, we both wore tired faces. But as soon as the scenery peeked through darkness excitement set in. Here were amongst beautiful mountains, surrounded by water falls and rivers and we couldn't be happier. We are happiest in the wilderness. The smells and sounds filled our hearts with happiness. After a long morning seeking our permits, the real fun began. We drove through the park and encountered truly amazing views. Stopping here and there to hike a bit to see what a road could not offer. Each view and space in time reminding me of how fortunate we all are to have such beautiful things exist in our world. Only 8 hours away, my house laid in horrid heat and surrounded by buzzing traffic. Yet here we were in the middle of a snow fall summer, atop grand mountains. It was surreal. Ending our day, we set up camp, or Nghia did, and we cozied up and fell asleep faster than I could say goodnight. The following morning was what had me the most scared. Not sure how I was to go backpacking with a bag full of two days worth of items when I had spent most of my summer cuddled up to dogs and lounging around, yet then and there I knew I had to do it. To fully enjoy the nature. A week prior to this I had seen Half Dome in the list of must do hikes and I knew I would make it up there one way or another. Surely, when the backpacking begun and the trail felt never ending I began to question my will. Yet, the sights filled me with energy like no other. It was truly amazing. After a misty hot then cold, strenuous, according to my watch, 9 miles, I was pooped. Setting up sight for the night my feet hurt and I was more hungry than I could bear. Nghia doing amazing as always didn't feel an ounce of weakness. He set up, then cooked, then prepared us for the night like he had just begun. Weakness overflowed me. Early the following morning I knew it was time. Time to put my big girl pants on and bare the cold and push through the soreness and tiredness that my body felt. Before long we were on our way. Half Dome, only 4.2 miles we read, nothing I said. The miles felt endless, the strenuous stairs that led us up to the dome were what got me. Break after break, my legs felt weak and I just wanted to sit and sleep. I had to find that voice in my head that told me I would make it to the top and back no matter what. I said to myself a familiar quote that had gotten me through tough times before. *deep breath in, deep breath out* "She believed she could, so she did." Enough times that every step felt easier. Our bodies are exceptional things. They will not fail you as fast as your mind will fail you. They will push you through anything you think you can't do and make you far stronger than you thought possible. To that I will always cheer. Before I knew it, we were at the bottom of HD. As I stared up at to it I felt even my heart shaking. What the hell was I doing here? Is my fear of heights something I imagined and tried to push back because as I stared at it I wanted to cry and apologize to Nghia for making him come as far as we had and wanting to turn back but at the same I knew that I had to climb that. Every inch of me told me I had to do this, for myself...and so I did. Step by step I cliimbed. My fingers numbed and my legs ached but damn, the view was killer. I climbed until there was nothing left. As soon as I could find a spot to sit I did just that and wanted to lay and sleep but I kept smiling and reminding myself of what an accomplishment I had just done. We wandered and saw what was atop and after what felt like no time, Nghia was ready to head down and I was quickly reminded of what was to come. It may be easier going up but going down I really felt ill. I was so scared, more than I could imagine. At one point I lost my shoe grip and was sure that was it. I grabbed tighter than before and hoped that it would be enough to keep me up and it was. Thank goodness. Everything after that was a breeze, except needing to use the bathroom so badly I wanted to vomit. But that's no biggie. Once at camp I had merely a break and then to the bottom of the mountain it was. Reminded that pizza and a shower were at the bottom, I lugged myself and my bag to safety. Safe to say pizza and shower recovered me faster than anything else, and as the trip came to an end I was beyond grateful for all of the experiences. If there's anything to take away from this it's to not give up. Your mind will tell you otherwise but you just have to believe in yourself!